Last Tip: Getting the Look from Your Husband

Be Nice!: Yep, it's that simple.

I wish it were that easy. Actually, this may be the most difficult one of all.

Many times we allow the issues of life (past, present and future) to affect how well we treat our husbands. Without realizing, life has eroded the easy going, free spirited and fun loving wife he first married into a quick tempered, cranky and irritable woman.

We can make all the excuses and justifications in the world. Some actually may be very valid. However, it is nearly impossible for a man to love you like a rose when you respond to him like a thorn bush. He can't cuddle with you as a gentle Labrador, when you are growling like a Pit bull. His attraction will quickly fad for the shrew, even if she's sexy. However, it will stay lit for the girl that giggles, even as she grows old.

So the final tip in getting more "looks" from your husband and increasing his attraction towards you is to "simply" be nice!

Go turn up that fire ladies!!!!!!!

Getting the Look: Tip 4

Compliment him!: Ladies, somehow we have convinced ourselves that we are the only ones that need an ego boost. In actuality, men may need it more than we do. A man's ego drives his emotions and decisions far more than most other factors.

When we make a man feel wanted and desired, he will naturally begin to want and desire you more. Start throwing out compliments and watch them boomerang right back to you.

The next time your man dresses up, returns home from the gym or gets a fresh haircut, make it clear to him that you notice and like it. Whistle at him when he bends over. Make a scizzling sound when he takes his shirt off. Rub your hand slowly across his back and shudder as he passes.

If you want your man to find you highly attractive, then let him feel your attraction towards him. If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, then a way to a man's heat (passion for you) is through his ego.

Tip 3 : Look at Him!

C. I look at him. – Something so simple and subtle is changing the game. I no longer just look into the pot of boiling water while I cook.  As he sits at the kitchen counter while I cook, I turn the heat to a slow simmer, take a pause and listen to him. Instead of thumbing through Facebook, occasionally nodding to signal I am listening, I put my phone down and turn towards him while he talks.  Lately, I am looking at him when he speaks. This lets him know I am interested in what he has to say. This shows that I am putting his conversation and concerns above any other person in the world for that moment. It allows him to see me smile and giggle at his humor. Occasionally, we catch glances and speak to each other with our eyes. Looking at him makes him see me differently. He sees me as the girl who finds him funny, interesting and smart. Men are attracted to women who think highly of them. So slow down ladies. Put the phone down. Look at your man and he will start “looking” at you in a way that he has not in a while.

The "Look": Tip 2

B. Less familiar. More flirty. – If you ask most married women what is one of our favorite perks of marriage, somewhere on our list would be the ability to “just be ourselves”. Translation: We walk around in head scarves, sweat pants and T-shirts much of the day while leaving the door to the bathroom open while handling all of our business.  

True enough, there is great contentment in having a life partner that you are completely comfortable around. However, for many wives, that comfort has morphed into complacency. Ladies, though comfort with someone increases over time, physical attraction can decrease over time if we are not intentional.  

I have made a conscientious effort to be less of the familiar wife and more of the flirty girl. I put on lip gloss and powder before going into the house after work. I make sure my arm pits stay shaved. I invested in several comfortable yet cute lounging outfits. I shower before coming to bed and spray a little perfume. And if you would allow me to get “real real”, I no longer use the toilet in our master bedroom when needing to handle my business.

Do I have to do this? No! Should I have to do this? Maybe. Do I want to do this? Yep, because if I don’t continue to turn my husband on, somebody else will.

I enjoy being my husband’s partner. I like being his friend. Sometimes though, it’s fun being his girlfriend.

Make sure to visit the site tomorrow to get tip #3 to earning more “looks”.

My Husband Slapped My Butt and I Blushed!

My Husband Slapped My Butt and I Blushed!

Lately my husband has been giving me “the look”. Not the “Chicken again?” look. Not the “take those loud kids out of here while I finish watching the game” look. But the “Next time I get you alone, it's on” look. Just the other day as I was leaving for work, he slapped me on my butt and bit his lip, and gave me “the look”. I liked it!

I have been getting the look more often and I know why. I have been putting in work. I have been strategically and purposely earning the look. Here are 5 tips to help you get a butt slap and “the look”.

1. Loose a few pounds. - Yes I had to go there and I had to go there first. It is no secret that life and all of its responsibilities pack on pounds. The change in hormones, child bearing, work schedules, raising children, and all that comes with age has made staying “fit” a challenge. My goal is not getting “High school skinny” because I live a grown woman's life. However, there is a huge canyon sized gap between being high school skinny and being old lady obese. It’s our responsibility, to ourselves first and our husband second, to find the most manageable and healthy median between those two extremes. Our goal should be to live in our best bodies. That “best body” will depend on your age, lifestyle, health, and personal goals. As you work towards your individual best body, you will find your husband finding you as attractive as he did when he first met you. There are a million different diets, programs, gyms, and trainers that you can select to get started. Here are 5 tips that should be incorporated into any health lifestyle option you choose.

1. Say “No” more than you say “Yes”. - Extra food will always be available. The donuts your coworker brings to work to celebrate Friday. The extra French fries at the bottom of your child’s happy meal box. Or any number of countless – unaccounted for calories. Say “no” to them because they add up. Use apps such as My Fitness Pal to track ALL calories.
2. Say “Yes” more than you say “No”. - Extra activity will always be available. The next time your daughter says “Mom, let’s just park back here.”  Don’t respond by saying, “Nah, lets drive around one more time to see if we can get anything closer.” Or when a co workers says “This elevator is really slow today. Let's take the elevator”. Don’t say “Girl, you must be crazy. That’s 4 flights of stairs”. Be aware of opportunities to take extra steps and burn more calories. They add up. Use a Fit Bit or another similar device to make a daily competition with yourself.
3. Don't drink your calories. - Sodas and fruit juices are tasty but costly. One 20 ounce Dr Pepper (250 calories) is the caloric equivalent of two chicken soft tacos. I don’t know about you, but I would rather eat my calories. As a general rule, my drink options account for no more than 10% of my total daily caloric intake.
4. Moderation not deprivation. Some days you may want a strawberry shake with caramel and whip cream on top. Other days the blinking “Hot Now” sign at Krispy Kreme will put you under hypnosis and lour you to the drive through. That's fine. Treat yourself. Just make sure that your “cheat days” are the exception and not the norm.
5. #EDDS – Every Day Do Something. Some days you would rather veg out on the couch and watch episodes of Parenthood on Netflix instead of working out. That’s ok, don’t beat yourself up. Just hit it harder the next day. A good rule of thumb is 4-for-40. Make it your goal to do at least 40 minutes of activity at least 4 days a week. Just make sure on the days you don’t work out, you lower your caloric intake. Every day do something towards your fitness goals.
   Make sure to visit the site tomorrow for the second tip!

Monday at Last

“Monday at Last”

I am sitting paralyzed at the realization that Monday is less than 8 hours away. It feels like just yesterday, I left my office with a pep in my step and keys in hand, excited about the upcoming weekend. I am seriously considering not sleeping tonight in order to stretch out my weekend a few more hours.

I hate hating Mondays! As I sat, pouting and having a pity party, I figured out a few things that might help you and me not cry tomorrow morning.

• Stop living for the weekends. We have to stop seeing Monday as dooms day and Friday as the day of Jubilee. I am not sure if you know this, but restaurants take reservations for 2 on Mondays. Parks are still open to the public on Tuesdays. Movies have showings on Thursdays. Fun activities do not have office hours. Stop “existing” through the week and “living” on the weekends. Live life 7 days a week.
• Take daily selfies. I am not talking about photos either. Every day, do at least one thing that makes you smile. Go to that Zumba class  you loved so much on Tuesday nights. Treat yourself to your favorite cupcake spot at lunch on Monday. This Thursday, call your girlfriend and talk for an hour about things that make you laugh until your side hurts. Whether 5 minutes or 50, take time for a daily selfie.
• Maximize the mundane. I have come to grips with the fact that my 9 – 5 would not make the list of the top 10 exciting occupations but there are aspects of it that I really love. For example, I have a co worker that really should be a stand-up comedian. Each day, I make it a point to stop by her office just to get a good laugh. Also, since I work with the elderly I have started listening to their personal life stories. I have heard war and love stories that would put “Saving Private Ryan” and “The Notebook” to shame. I will continue to look for the little things about my day that really are diamonds in the rough.
• Shrink the “To Do” List. The weekday list of “To Dos” in most of our lives looks like rolling credits at the end of a movie. We spend our week days trying to check off a list that is forever growing. If we overbook our days, then every day we will feel overbooked. Figure out what things are truly “must dos” and which things are “will dos”.
• Change your thinking and your language. Don’t refer to your job as “this stupid dump” but rather “the place that I get to showcase my talents and skills”. Don’t think of getting your kids ready in the morning and to school on time as the “morning rat race” but as “another moment to bond with your babies”. Instead of saying “Monday already” ,how about trying “Monday at last!” I know it may sound like the power of positive thinking because it is. Your thinking changes your behavior and your behavior changes your experience. Make it a point to experience Monday differently this week and forever.

MEET MOMMA

Do people really draw straws to make decisions? Flip coins? Or play Rock Scissors Paper? Melissa needed to make a decision but couldn’t.  Everything in her body was telling her… warning her…begging her not to go to her mom’s.  A lifetime of being guilted into submission was going to end today.  She took her foot with chipped polish and whipped it across the carpet drawing a symbolic line in the sand.

Forget this head or tails decision making. She did not need a lucky coin to tell her she was right.  Her head told her to take her tail to the mall. She wasn’t in the mood for mama drama today. She really wanted to take time for herself .

 “I need to get these raggedy toes done. Maybe buy a new outfit. I may even see a movie. I never get to spend time by myself. So what’s wrong with that?”

Pausing to contemplate, “Nothing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.”

She turned to go to her bedroom to find the perfect tennis shoes to match her shorts. As she walked past the opened door to the bathroom, she caught a glimpse of her reflection and jumped in amazement.

She doubled back to the mirror, thinking the intensity of what she saw would fade, but it didn’t. She saw the resemblance of her mom in her face more than ever before. People always said she looked just like Candice, but it wasn’t until the past few years she began to notice it. Today it was undeniable and strong. She was having one of those Simba gazing in the water and seeing Mufasa moments.

She moved from shock, to denial and then to pride. She smirked as she reminded herself that the woman she had become was because of the woman Candice was. Despite her mom’s faults, she had given her and Alyssa the very best. So helping her mom lick envelopes for a couple of hours should not be an issue.

“She always wins!”, she whined as she stormed out of the bathroom and into the bedroom to put on shoes. Just then she realized she had to change out of her shorts. There was no way she was stepping foot in her mom’s house in those shorts. She could only imagine what her mom would say. Melissa was not in the mood for any commentary on her wardrobe today.

She quickly changed into a pair of oversized sweat pants, T-shirt and comfortable flip flops, grabbed her keys and headed out the door.

Twenty minutes later she was pulling up in her mom’s driveway. She got out the car and slammed the door, “Uhh, she always wins. Gotta love her, though.”

As she unlocked the front door, Candice jumped from around the corner, “You could have called first. You scared me half to death. What are you doing here?”

Offended and confused, “What do you mean what am I doing here? You asked me to come help you address invitations.”

“Yeah, but you told me no.”

Rubbing her ears, “Mom, where are the invitations?” Walking towards the kitchen before she changed her mind about helping.

“Well, thanks for coming.”, as she noticed her daughter’s frustration she walked to get the invitations and kissed Melissa on her forehead.

It took them an hour to finish addressing, sealing and stamping the invitations. To Melissa’s surprise, she actually enjoyed it. They swapped stories about their week, discussed a few TV shows they both watched and updated each other on bits of extended family gossip.

Melissa really did love her mom and enjoyed spending time with her.

Just as Melissa reflected on how much she enjoyed spending time with her mom, Candice broke the silence, “I can’t believe you are wearing shoes with your toes out. Look at that polish. It has to be at least a month old. You need to get your toes done. ”

Laughing out loud at the irony, “Actually mom, I would have been sitting with my toes in a tub of warm bubbling water right now, but I decided to come help you.”

“Oh, well maybe when you finish here you can go get your toes and your hair done.”

“My hair, what’s wrong with my hair.”

“You know I am not liking this natural thing on you. Some people have the texture to do it but you don’t. Yours just looks kind of kinky and messy. It really doesn’t become you.”

Melissa kissed her mom on the forehead, grabbed her keys and headed towards the door, “Mom, have a great day. I will call you later.”

“So you are upset because I told you that you needed your toes done and your hair pressed. It’s true, right? You get bent out of shape too easily.”

Melissa did not stop to respond. 

But Candice was relentless and followed her out the door.

“What is it with you lately? You always have an attitude with me. I can’t say anything without you getting pissed off! All I said was that you ...?”

“Mom, you don’t need to say it again. It’s not about my toes or my hair. I’m just sick of you having something to say about everything! And you never care if you hurt my feelings or not.”

“Hurt your feelings? What are you, 16?”

“No, I am a 33 year old grown woman who has the right to live my life without fearing what her mom might say. Do you know I changed clothes before I came over here because I knew you would criticize me? That’s crazy!”

Just then, Alyssa pulled up to her mom’s house. As she walked up, Melissa stormed off.

Alyssa stopped to give her sister a hug but Melissa never broke stride towards the car.

“What’s wrong with you?” Alyssa asked puzzled.

“I can only take her in doses and I have swallowed all I can handle today.” Melissa says as she opens and slams the door to her car.

She sat in the car trying to sort through her emotions. Was she over reacting? Why did she feel so angry right now? Had she been disrespectful to her mom? Right as she put the car in drive, Alyssa opens the passenger door and says “Let’s talk.”

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  So you have met Melissa and Candice. Now you have the option to create Alyssa. Chime in on how you think Alyssa personality should be. Comment below.